Oh, God! I did not even believe I got there! After all these years I was busy teaching you and everybody. I was running around in the Fifth Level, that was OK with me, good enough! My God, sometimes you are blindfolded, you know that? So, believe me, if you think you are human, and you’re ignorant and all that, you are blindfolded, also. One day, it will hit you. Maybe not the way it hit me, but it will hit you in the way that it hit me before that.
One time I discovered something. I mean, even I don’t go from a high level. I was also beginning at a lower level, so I can understand all of you better. At one time, when I discovered something else, I thought, “OK, that’s it, that’s the end of my mission. I don’t know how to go out, talk to people anymore. What do I say to them about who I am?” I just felt suddenly it’s impossible to go out to talk to people anymore. Do you understand me? Before, I was still clouded halfway, or one third of it – cloudy. But when it’s all clear, you suddenly feel, “OK, finished! What to do?” It’s not like shy or something, but it just feels… it just hits you, like… “You cannot talk about it.” Do you understand what I’m saying or not? (Yes, Master.) I felt like I could not ever go out and talk to anybody anymore – at that point, one point. But then it also passed like everything else, and then I had to resume my work. But it’s different to talk to you than to talk to the people outside, of course. So, with you I could talk a little bit more easily.
But at that point, at that point when I discovered the truth, I mean of my own identity, I thought, “That’s it, this is the end.” Not the sad way, but it just felt like that’s it, I could never go out and tell people anything. Suppose they ask who am I, what would I say? Do you understand me? (Yes.) What level I am, I could not say then! It just hits you like that! It’s not like I’m prepared. Now I’m telling you in words, it seems more like prepared or more understanding, more intellectual, but at that time, it just hits you, like, “boing!” – that’s it, you’re done, you could never go out and talk to anybody. It seems impossible. It seems like it’s just not a thing that you would ever do, that’s it.
Because the truth just hits you! I don’t know, it’s hard to say it. OK, never mind, try to understand. If not, it’s fine. Once you know that point, you just cannot talk. I don’t know how to explain it, really. Any of you understand? (Yes.) How do you understand it? Tell me, one by one. Tell me how you understood. Just one by one. Anybody? (Just the feeling, Master.) Feeling what? (Just the feeling of one with the wonderful Universe we live in, just the same way we’re one with every brother and sister.) No! That was before that. (Once You realized who You were, You realized nobody would understand if You talk about it.) Something like that. Yes, yes. It wasn’t that clear, but it just felt like that’s it. It feels like, OK, maybe you’re shy or something. But it’s not shy. It’s just the feeling the truth cannot be expressed. And it feels like… It feels like I cannot do it. Just like going out and saying, “Look at me… I’m beautiful!” It’s just similar like that. And who would ever do that? Do you know what I mean now? It’s similar like that! It’s not exactly, but that’s as good as I can tell you. It seemed like impossible anymore. It seemed… I thought at that time, “That’s it, my mission’s finished.” I didn’t even think that I could even come and tell you or talk to you again, ever.
(And You’re a woman.) What’s that? (People are looking for a man to be the leader.) Ah, not true, not really. No honey, you always make a good point, but at the wrong time. It’s not about woman, honey, it’s not, because I have been outside before as a woman, and a lot of people always come and listen. It’s not like they don’t. It’s just at this time, I can’t open my mouth anymore. At that point. But now, it’s also already past like everything else, it’s faded a little bit, so I have to forget it in order to continue my work. That’s what it was. It’s not about nobody would understand, but it seems too… I don’t know, too incredible to tell anybody about it, and it seems like you cannot just want to tell. You understand what I mean? Yes!
(As You were in retreat for two years.) Yeah, that was. (I was having a feeling that You are getting higher and higher and far away from us. On one side, I’m happy for You that You are flying high, but on the other side, I’m afraid that we will be left here just alone. But I have suspected that You are what You said since 1999, as You were in Africa, and You started to teach to people in the hall, in the whole hall, the Convenient Method. You said You can show the people God within just some minutes. As I was sitting in the hall, I was crying in my heart, and I said, “Master, do You know what You are doing?” Because it’s really dangerous to show so much outside to the people.) Ah, it’s OK. At that time, it was still OK. But you know, it’s a different point. That is OK. That, I can handle. It doesn’t matter. I just tell people I show God, I show them God. The third party. That’s different. The third party, you can always introduce, glorify it and beautify it, and tell whatever you want about it. It’s absolutely nothing to do with you. That was the easy part, honey. I could show the whole world God at that time. It doesn’t matter to me. I can handle it. The karma, anything, doesn’t matter. It’s not that. When you have a third party to advertise, that is easy. Blame it all on Hirm. Yeah, glorify Hirm, everything. It doesn’t matter.
(I have been thinking, if You can give so much, and everything and all the time, then You must be that One, because no one else, no human and no other people that I have ever heard can do that.) Yeah, but at that time, still had a third party. But when You reach to a non-third party… Truly, there are many levels. You feel one with God, OK, you feel one with the whole creation, that’s OK too. But that’s not… That’s not the point. That’s not when it hits you like that. I haven’t been hit like that, even in previous lives. In previous lives, I stayed at the Fifth Level so that I can come back. Any other previous life – Fifth Level, that’s all I went to, and so, that’s all I remember. I told you I’d take you to the Fifth Level, and I told you the truth at that time, what I knew. But later on, it is beyond that, and I said, “That’s it, I don’t know what to say anymore.”
So, even I dropped you some “bomb” in Hungary, I said you can’t go beyond the Fifth, and you were “crying wolf.” What can I do? I commit to the Truth; I had to tell you. But the Fifth Level is great, grand, and beyond your imagination. Do not look down on it. You, some of you, are not even there yet, and already said, “Only Fifth Level? Only?” Do you know how many masters practice asceticism, forsake everything in the whole world, and eat only wild berries, and still haven’t reached it! “Only the Fifth Level!” Where do you want to go? The way you are, huh? Anyway… Oh, well, thank God that I came back to talk to you. Actually, I was thinking… I felt very far also from you at that time. I felt that you would not understand me. And you didn’t!
In Hungary, you all cried wolf, no? “Ah, we have Fifth Level only!” What? (I think we did understand, but we felt You were so far away! We didn’t want You to be so far away.) Oh, I see. I did not want it to… (We felt really sad.) Oh, you did? (Yes!) You still feel sad now? (No, no! You’re back now.) I’m back? Thank you for dragging me! Wow! What are friends for? Come back and play in the mud with us. No, no, I’m still not “back,” but I’m back. I just handle the situation differently, that’s all.
Before, I was just there, but now, I’m there and here. I just learned to handle the different situation. It took a while for me also. It’s a shock! It’s a joy, but it’s a shock. “What am I to do now, with the rest of humankind? And the disciples and all that? What am I going to tell them?” I became shy, really shy. Reluctant. Yeah, fancy being shy! At that point, why? It’s not exactly shy, like shy or ashamed, it’s just a kind of… I can’t explain. Anybody can explain it? (Self-awareness. It’s different to sort of being shy.) Oh, self-awareness, yeah, but why I don’t want to tell people, or feel like cannot? (Because it’s so… so far out, that it would either drive them mad even, or it’s a concept that humans cannot understand.) Yeah, even my mind cannot understand. I feel really like a shyness. Like a shyness, do you understand? Really shyness. Yeah, also. If you can put it in that word. But it’s more than shyness. It’s not just shyness; it’s more than shyness, but then, it’s also like a shyness. Like, if you go out and boast yourself, if you would like to do that. Like, “Look, I’m the most beautiful girl in the world,” something like that. Nobody could ever do that, honestly, except in a joke. That’s different.
It was very far. It was too far. It’s not like I planned to go there. No, I didn’t. Honestly, I thought I was at the Fifth Level with you, or, that’s it. Honestly, I didn’t plan to go that far. I just wanted to go deeper into the knowledge of things, and then it hit me, that’s it. I’ll never forget that. But I did forget it, forgot the intensity of it. But I don’t forget it. Something like that, you don’t forget. You don’t forget your graduation day, no? Yeah, but it’s more than that. Oh, God! I did not even believe I got there! After all these years I was busy teaching you and everybody. I was running around in the Fifth Level, that was OK with me, good enough! My God, sometimes you are blindfolded, you know that? So, believe me, if you think you are human, and you’re ignorant and all that, you are blindfolded, also. One day, it will hit you. Maybe not the way it hit me, but it will hit you in the way that it hit me before that. You know what I mean? (Yes, Master.)
