A blind man was sitting on a park bench. A priest sat down next to him. The priest was chomping on a piece of waffle biscuit. Taking pity on the blind man, he took out another biscuit and gave it to the blind man. The blind man ran his fingers carefully over the surface of the biscuit and several minutes later, he turned around and tapped the priest on the shoulder and said to him. […]
I have a joke before we forget. There was a group of gangsters who went to the Pearly Gates and wanted to get in. Pearly Gates, you know, the Heavenly Gate? (Yes.) And Saint Peter recognized them as gangsters. The original is from New York, but I don’t want to say that. So, the gangsters… You know, there’s a film called, “Gangs of New York.” Maybe that’s why. So, Saint Peter got scared and went to talk to God. So, He said to them, “You wait here. I go ask permission first. I don’t know if you can come in.”
So, Saint Peter ran to see God and said, “Oh, God, there’s a gang of gangsters out there, and they want to come in, but they don’t have any merit. I don’t think they should be allowed in at all. But they are insisting, and they’re banging at the door. What should I do?” So God said, “Oh. Just give them a few words, and send them to hell where they belong.”
OK. Saint Peter ran back, and then in a few seconds He ran back again to God and said, “Oh, God. Oh, God. It’s gone. It’s gone.” So, God said, “Oh, if they’re gone, it’s good.” Saint Peter said, “No, no. I mean the Gate.” They stole it – the Pearly Gate. Because I just saw a Pearly Gate joke here, I remembered that joke. I have tons of jokes. I’m just not in a jokey mood, that’s why.
There’s another one called, “English girl.” I’m not sure if the English girls are like this. Three men were sitting together recounting how they had given their new wives duties. Yeah, things to do. The first man had married a woman from Albania and boasted that he had told his wife she must do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done in their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. Wow.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He has said that he has given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes and all the cooking. And he told them that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. I’m not sure all the Korean women are like that, so don’t dream about it.
The third man had married an English girl. Whoa, somebody must really dislike the English. Watch it. He said that he told her that her duties were to clean the house, wash the dishes, mow the lawn, do the laundry and have hot meals on the table every single day. He said that the first day, he didn’t see anything. The second day, he didn’t see anything either. But by the third day, most of the swelling had gone down, and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Oh God. Is that you? The English girls are like that?
“Just Rubbish.” That’s the title of the next one. A blind man was sitting on a park bench. A priest sat down next to him. The priest was chomping on a piece of waffle biscuit. Taking pity on the blind man, he took out another biscuit and gave it to the blind man. The blind man ran his fingers carefully over the surface of the biscuit and several minutes later, he turned around and tapped the priest on the shoulder and said to him, “Who wrote this rubbish?” He was reading by finger, so he couldn’t see any words on it. “Who wrote this rubbish?” That’s that guys.
Finito (Finished). Well, we had some good laughs. Thank you, brother. (Very nicely read.) Huh? (Very nicely read.) I’m not sure. Was it OK? (Yes.) If I knew it by heart, it would be better. It’s “just rubbish.” OK, you had your (vegan) cake. You had your laughs now. Sit a little bit.
Thank you anyway for being so good, for coming from so far away. Me too, but you are good, you are good. You really are very sincere, all of you that came today and yesterday, because I know you have things to do at home. And it’s a festival, but… Well, that’s the only time we could see each other. Mostly you’re even more busy. You have to work, and I don’t want to interfere with your working schedule. So, we see each other weekends or festival days. But festival day is also a day with your family members actually. So, is it OK if you come here like that? (Yes.) Your husband, wife, don’t say anything? Or he couldn’t see anything at all. When you go back home, maybe he could see a little bit. The light will shine through little swollen eyes. My God. The English girls are really that bad? No. I don’t think so. Must be some man who hates English women; who married an English woman and didn’t get on well. Couldn’t get his way.
Yesterday, I told somebody a joke, I can tell you again. There were some researchers, like food and nutrition researchers sitting together and saying, “Wow, imagine what we have been eating and drinking up till now, all the junk.” And the other guy says, “Yeah, yeah, we know it by now. We didn’t know it before. Anything, almost everything we eat is terrible for us. If you drink soft drinks even – soda soft drinks – the soda will erode the wall of your stomach. And if you eat (animal-people) meat and all that, you have cholesterol. There’s not much that we have eaten that’s any good, really. It could even be dangerous for us. I couldn’t think of anything else more deadly, more terrible than the food that we have eaten. Can you?” And the other researcher said, “No, I can’t.” But the old man next to him overheard the conversation and said, “Yes, I can. I know one.” So, the two researchers asked the old man, “What kind of food can be more dangerous than what we have just listed?” He said, “I know, it’s wedding cake!” Understand? (Yes.) Alright then. I’ll let you “sleep” again. See you later, OK?
Photo Caption: Some R So Humble, You Hardly See Them!
